Posted by: terrapraeta | May 12, 2009


I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

David Bowie, Changes

So last week I talked a fair amount about some of my emotional lows. The times that I get bored, apathetic, disinterested – and often at the same time, emotionally volatile, depressive and anxious.

One of the best ways I have always found of dealing with my negative mood swings is to get focused and involved with something pro-active, new and exciting or even simply focused. I have had great success with tapping into adrenaline by getting back into an exercise routine or stabilizing my blood sugar through proper diet. A new job will often kick me into gear, as will a new hobby.

As I mentioned previously, January is frequently the time that I do a lot of these things. I usually have relatively few social commitments this time of year so I am not so inclined to drink nor have to deal with the next days’ repercussions. And I often feel like it is time to get focused on being healthy before shorts and bathing suits and the like become regular day ware once more. We’ve all been through that one, eh girls?

So this year, I find myself with the need to get my focus back, right at the same time that I traditionally do so. That should be a good thing, but as I noted last week, I was having a difficult time. At the same time, I have mentioned a few times that I think 2007 is going to be a great year: a year of changes, a year of things happening, a year of new possibilities open before me. Thing is, it’s already starting to happen.

I’m a big fan of change. I don’t like routines as a general state of affairs. I don’t like running through the same old grind day after day. I really do like trying new things, exploring new possibilities, developing new relationships (and re-invigorating old). The thing is, we humans, by our very nature, are resistant to change. In our modern world, we are constantly dealing with change and that may be a major contributor to the stress levels with which people are living. And I strongly suspect that many of our biggest modern health problems directly relate to those stress levels. But that isn’t really what I want to talk about.

In addition to the changes in my relationship with my honey over the last month, another major component of my daily life has recently been scrapped for parts. From those parts, new, revitalized and forward looking new things are being built as we speak. So I do think it is a good thing: but I have discovered the last few days that my behavior over the last weeks has partially been in response to those changes as well.

Meresisting change?

I think so. Something in the very core of my being felt rather threatened that my life tomorrow is going to be so different from my life yesterday. Perhaps even on a biological level – who’s to say for certain. I was fighting it, subconsciously, while overtly I was trying to be supportive of the processes.

Best part: a couple days ago, it finally all cracked open and I find myself excited about what is happening. All of a sudden, I’m throwing my active support into the various projects being undertaken. At the same time, I am feeling a much stronger core of resiliency against any emotional or practical hurtles I may come across. I feel good.

Part of me wonders if this is a phase that all us ‘change lovers’ have to go through now and again. It is really very easy to get stuck in a rut, and it is really easy to get settled and hold onto your stability like a baby blanket, and it is very easy to allow yourself to worry over a future that you cannot quite see. (How could you, when it is different from your past?)

But I think it is vital, at least for people like me, to push ourselves out of these ruts, away from the stable, the ordinary, the dull, because if change is going to occur in our world as a whole, it will be because of individual people embracing and pursuing new vistas, new models, new ideas and the change that these things engender.

So tell me, are you one of us? One of the people that need a little shake up now and again? One of the people that thrive on the changes that most people find abhorrent? Have you encountered the rut? How did you push past – or did events force the issue? Did it feel good when you found yourself in motion once more?

Are you in a rut right now?

Embrace the change. You know you’ll feel better for it!

(Originally Posted January 16, 2007)



  1. […] I came face to face with every old hurt my honey and I had foisted upon one another over the years, I faced my own insecurities and uncertainties, I came to a much better understanding of my own depressive tendencies and I learned a whole lot […]

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