That old dog has chained you up all right
Give you everything you need
To live inside a twisted cage
Sleep beside in empty rage
I had a dream I was your hero
Damn I wish I was your lover
I’d rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything
Tonight I’ll be your mother
I’ll do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won’t feel ashamed
Open up gonna come inside
Gonna fill you up
Make you cry
Sophie B Hawkins, Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
My honey just pointed out an interesting complication in my relationship with Danny. It’s kind of funny that I had never really thought of it before, but it probably has something to do with the strangeness of our relationship all along.
See, Danny has a girlfriend that he has been seeing since about the time we started talking again, last spring. No, really.
He has even talked to me about an occasional thought to marry this girl. That part has not gone over well for a number of reasons, but the biggest and most prominent is that he promised me last summer that he had learned his lesson and was not going to marry a third time. Period. I was very glad to hear that as I know that he has spent a lot of time running away from something, and I believe that whatever that something is, this is the reason he got married the first time, and is probably the reason he got married the second time, as well.
When I told him this, he agreed that I was almost certainly right, but we did not manage to identify what exactly that something is. Perhaps that will be a discussion topic once we get to see one another again. So I have been very vocal in my opinion that another marriage – certainly without identifying that something – would not be a great idea for him.
But there are other reasons also – reasons besides my own selfish motivations. I am sure that his girlfriend is a lovely girl, but she is also extremely volatile. Perhaps on the level of psychological problems. Of course, he also has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, so I am pretty confident that this is part of the attraction on some level. (She is also twenty something and quite attractive, I understand, so he’s not being purely selfless in all this, either.)
So my honey just pointed out to me that on top of everything else, I am in a situation where in order for this thing with Danny to work, I not only have to convince him that it is possible, but I also have to convince him that it is more possible than what he currently has going. As my honey put it “you need to convince him that this can work and then you need to convince him to either leave her or convince her, too.” Bizarre thought, indeed.
I think, probably, that I hadn’t really thought much about this part, one way or the other, simply because I am accustomed to Danny having other women in his life. And I wouldn’t expect him to stop having other women in his life in the future. How could I do that now, after all?
But again, this particular girl – I’ve told him flat out that I think she is bad for him, and he has politely disagreed, and I have promised I’ll say no more – but I really do believe that he needs to move on.
Part of the reason this came up tonight was my observation that he has completely not mentioned her for a couple weeks, now. And the last time he did, he was telling me about several of his buddies telling him that he needed to let her go. So maybe he has, but he is not quite ready to tell me about it. Or, maybe he has not, but he knows he needs to do it. Or, maybe, he is still having crazy ideas about marrying her and (suddenly) does not want to admit it to me.
I’m sure I’ll find out before long. One of the things I’ve noticed recently is that he has gotten much worse at keeping things from me since we were kids. I’m sure it has something to do with the friendship we developed leading up to and after his first marriage. May also have a lot to do with the fact that we have come to communicate with one another very easily over the years. Not at the intense depth that my honey and I communicate, but nonetheless free and easy. So I guess I just have to wait for him to be ready to tell me what’s what.
(Originally Posted February 19, 2007)