Posted by: terrapraeta | January 13, 2010

Cougar


Oh baby you’re young but that’s okay
What’s give or take nine years anyway
I’ll bet you that cigarette
You won’t regret my time

I want to be with a guy like you
So uncomplicated, so in tune
Just take off my dress
Let’s mess with everybody’s mind

I gotta tell you

Baby, baby, baby, if it’s all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it’s all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Hey yeah yeah
Hey yeah yeah

I want to play Xbox on your floor
Say hi to your roommate who’s next door
You don’t have a dime, but I don’t mind
Who gives a damn

Your record collection don’t exist
You don’t even know who Liz Phair is
Your potential with no credentials
Your mother taught you how to be a sensitive man
I gotta tell you

Baby, baby, baby, if it’s all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it’s all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Hey yeah yeah
I’ve been waitin’
All my life for
Hey yeah yeah
For this feelin’
Who’d ‘ve guessed it could rock me all night
Rock me all night

You think I’m a genius
Think I’m cool
I’m starting to think that young guys rule
Oh God, let me save you
‘ll I might change you, and I might change my mind

Liz Phair, Rock Me

I’ve been staying pretty well focused on philia and agape over the last year. But I have to say that recently, my thoughts have been on eros a whole lot more again. Nothing really heavy, mind… but after taking some months to myself, being by myself and getting comfortable with who I am once more, I’ve been gradually working myself back into a social frame of mind.

Okay, that was a bit obtuse. I’ve been thinking more about intimate relationships once more. Sex, love, companionship, waking up with a warm body that’s not my dog πŸ™‚

I’m certain that this is directly related to the strange relationship Eddie and I explored last year… it’s certainly not something that I made a conscious choice of… but I am gradually coming to terms with the idea that I am a cougar. That idea once was vaguely disconcerting to me, but as I think about it I realize there really is no reason why I should. My friends are mostly younger than I. The people I tend to hang out with, the people that make me smile, the people that give back when I am feeling sad or alone – they are all younger than me. Usually be a couple decades. But since that is the case, why should it come as a surprise that this is the group of people from which I find men that are sexually attractive as well.

Step back a second. Pretty much as a matter of course, if I am going to consciously choose to take a lover, I will always look first to friends. I like to be friends with my lovers, regardless of how intense, or not, the relationship may turn out to be. Probably because first and foremost I am a person and they are persons and any interaction that does not solidly assume this is gonna fall flat in my eyes. Secondarily because I like to be around people that I share multiple interests with. Some random Joe may be an awesome sex partner… but if that is the only interaction we ever have, why would I want to bother? Even for a casual fling? I don’t get that. And I certainly don’t get these people that have life partners (of whatever particular stripe) that they don’t share interests with.

Just as an example… there is this guy in town… talented musician and, from what I can tell, a pretty decent person, overall. For the past year and a half since we first met, he has treated me, repeatedly, like I have the plague. A brusque nod in passing on the street is about all I ever got out of him. Okay, I guess I’m not interesting to him, or something. Whatever. Then a couple months ago I started running into him at the bar now and again. Some of those times, we have gotten to talking. Every one of those times we have talked, he has totally macked on me. Seriously. He has tried to β€œprove” how cool he is by telling me about the hottub at his new place, he has invited me over – anytime! He has mentioned parties or gigs he is playing…. all of it totally over the top. And then next time I see him, he ignores me again.

He is, slowly, starting to relax a little and the situation has improved. But if he does it again, I will flat out tell him… Dude! Me person. You person. Let’s chat. Stop with all the bullshit. Doesn’t mean I will ever sleep with him – I’m quite certain I won’t. But wow. What kind of weird pedestal has he put me on (or deep hole has he thrown himself into) that he can’t just talk with another person without all this weirdness?

Don’t get me wrong… I have been on the shy side most of my life, so in some ways I get it. Defense mechanism of some sort. But anyone that wants to hang with me has got to understand that really… I just wanna be friends. Respect and mutual admiration of the non-sexual kind, matters… and then, well, I suppose there is always a chance that something more could happen down the road.

But back to the other…. it has always seemed odd and wrong to me that older men dating younger women, while commented on, is still socially acceptable and even, enviable. But older women dating younger men is just…. weird. Intellectually that is. But I guess I never processed it emotionally until now. Now that I have had to look it square in the face, well, I find I really don’t see any reason for it to be a big deal.

Age disparity will always have a certain awkwardness to it – especially if we are talking about long term relationships. Being aware that your partner will grow old and die while you still have a good stretch left for yourself – or the reverse – has its drawbacks. But at then end of the day, all I am looking for is someone to spend time with right now: today, tomorrow, each day after will take care of itself. Whether the same partner is with me all the way through or not is kinda irrelevant. Certainly not a reason to forsake today.

And the best part of all of this – or at least the most fun part: during this period where I have come to terms with my own personal preferences, I have also discovered that younger men seem to like me, too. I suppose if that were not the case, I would have never really worked it out in my head. But the fact still remains. So for now, I guess I’m gonna make the most of it and see where it takes me.

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Responses

  1. Hey —

    I realized after writing this…. back when I was with my honey, the one and only serious crush I ever developed was on a guy ten years younger… 23 at the time I met him. So maybe this is not something that started with Kenny……………..

    tp


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